Parent Asks If They’re The Jerk For Sending Son Home From Boy’s Trip After He Brought His BF (2024)

Parent Asks If They’re The Jerk For Sending Son Home From Boy’s Trip After He Brought His BF (1)

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Parents make many rules for their kids to follow, but that doesn’t mean they’ll actually listen. Rebellious teens are a dime a dozen, and it’s safe to say that they’ll find clever ways to work around their parents’ orders. But, if they get caught, then it’s punishment time.

You can decide whether this dad gave his son the right punishment after he caught the boy canoodling with his secret boyfriend on their family boys’ trip.

More info: Reddit

A dad had set a strict rule that no girlfriends were allowed on their family boys’ trip, but he didn’t account for boyfriends, so he was put in a fix after his son found the loophole in his rule

Image credits: SLAYTINA (not the actual photo)

Guy has 3 sons whom he takes on boys’ trips, he set the rule that no girlfriends could tag along, they could only bring friends, so each boy brought a friend along on their latest trip

Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)

Later the dad found his 16YO kissing and cuddling with his “friend,” the teen confessed it was his boyfriend and that they had been together for a year

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Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)

The dad said that even though his rule was established for girlfriends, it technically meant no partners, so he told his wife to come and pick their son up in the middle of the trip

Image credits: u/ReferenceOk3419

His wife and 16YO did not side with him, but his other sons backed him up

The Original Poster (OP) shared that he has 3 sons who are 15, 16, and 18, respectively. He would occasionally hold a boys’ trip for them and had set the rule that no girlfriends were allowed to come along. He made the exception that they could bring their friends. This year, all his sons had brought a friend on the trip. But, 2 days into the getaway, he found his 16-year-old kissing and cuddling with his “friend.”

When he confronted the boy, he found out that the teen had been dating his boyfriend for a year. Although he had no problem with his son being gay, he mentioned that his rule about no girlfriends meant no partners in general. So he felt that his son disrespected his rule by hiding the information from him.

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He got annoyed and called his wife to come and take the teen and his boyfriend home. Although it might seem harsh, studies have found that concrete parental rule setting is related to lower levels of risk-taking behavior among adolescents. This means that when parents make strong and specific rules, it can help children curb negative behavior, and often, that’s more helpful than parental support.

In this case, the father was setting a rule that applied to all his sons. As he mentioned in the post, he did not mind that his son was gay and still loved him just as much. This is important to note because, as the Washington Post puts it, “the disdain and discrimination that many gay or gender non-conforming youth receive from their parents has the potential to do far more damage than hostility they experience from others.”

There’s also a deeper truth to this that children who come out as gay and lack parental support are at greater risk for mental health problems. It’s also horrifying to note that kids who feel rejected by their family members are 8 times more likely to try and take their own life. That’s exactly why netizens told the father to let his son know that he wasn’t angry about him being gay and that it was all because he broke a rule.

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Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)

Research shows that acceptance is very important for LGBTQ kids and that adolescents who are supported by their families become healthier and happier adults. It can also reduce the need for mental health care and build a healthy and loving environment for youth and their families.

Commenters hilariously chimed in and said that the man’s wife was probably angry because she had to give up her alone time to pick up the teen. They also mentioned that the dad was right for taking a stand about his rule, because it was good to hold his teen up to the same standard as the other kids. Research shows that parental differential treatment can negatively impact the bond between siblings, so it’s important for parents to treat all their kids the same.

Others from the LGBTQ community stated that the dad was being fair. They advised him to reach out to his son and clarify that he doesn’t view him differently and that he supports him through his coming out journey.

Although this might be a difficult and sensitive situation to navigate, the father’s response about still loving the boy and not seeing him differently shows how much he cares. Hopefully, the teen understood his mistake and was able to share more about his relationship with his parents. Commenters were supportive and sided with the dad. Do you think the father was right to send his son home during the boys’ trip? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Netizens agreed that the dad’s rule should include his gay son, and many were amused by the way the teen skirted around the rule on a technicality

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Parent Asks If They’re The Jerk For Sending Son Home From Boy’s Trip After He Brought His BF (2024)

FAQs

What is the most psychologically damaging thing a parent can say to a child? ›

The five most psychologically harmful things to say to a child are signaling unworthiness, shaming, threatening, comparing, and instilling prejudice. Making a child feel unworthy by implying they are unwanted or unloved damages their sense of self and belonging. Shaming or belittling can make them feel insignificant.

What a parent should not say to their child? ›

So here's a list of 15 things that parents should stop saying to their children:
  • “You always …” or “You never …” ...
  • “You should be ashamed of yourself.” ...
  • “Good job!” ...
  • “Why did you …?” ...
  • “What's wrong with you?” ...
  • “Don't argue with me.” ...
  • “Because I said so.” ...
  • “I told you so.”

How do you confront another parent about their child's behavior? ›

Having the talk
  1. Stick to the facts. ...
  2. Present a “we're on the same side” approach by focusing on a shared commitment to children's safety, and emphasizing that you want what is safest for all children.
  3. Share your feelings. ...
  4. Include the positive. ...
  5. Be prepared to provide the parent with resources for help and information.

Should parents force their child to go somewhere? ›

No. But parents can spend time and energy trying. When counseling parents about their teens, I often suggest that they pick their battles carefully. Sometimes you need to stand your ground, and sometimes you need to let go.

What is the most damaging parenting style? ›

Neglectful Parenting and Child Development

Beyond cognitive and academic effects, neglectful parenting also carries serious long-term mental health consequences. Children raised in a neglectful environment can experience: Low self-confidence. Heightened risks of depression and mental health issues.

What is the biggest parenting mistake that destroy children's mental health? ›

Overindulging your Kids

Parents love giving it to them. But research shows that when you give your kids whatever they desire, they miss out on skills related to mental strength, such as self-discipline. You want your kids to grow up knowing that it's possible to achieve what they want — if they work for it.

How do you respond to a disrespectful parent? ›

Consider trying the following strategies:
  1. Stop trying to please them. ...
  2. Set and enforce boundaries. ...
  3. Don't try to change them. ...
  4. Be mindful of what you share with them. ...
  5. Know your parents' limitations and work around them — but only if you want to. ...
  6. Have an exit strategy. ...
  7. Don't try to reason with them.

When one parent talks bad about the other parent? ›

Bad-mouthing is often used by a parent to hurt the other parent or to get their own way. Family law attorneys sometimes refer to this as parental alienation which may be used to damage or undermine the child's relationship with the other person with no justification.

What would a toxic parent say? ›

The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements. These kinds of comments can cause permanent damage to the social, psychological, and emotional growth of a child.

What happens to a child when one parent undermines the other? ›

Some effects undermining your partner could have on your child: learning that being honest with someone in a relationship isn't important. learning manipulation is acceptable and helps them get what they want. forming a habit of breaking the rules or not taking consequences seriously.

How to tell if your child is being manipulated by other parent? ›

Some of the signs to look out for:
  1. Your child is suddenly distant where you once had a close relationship;
  2. Your child accuses you of something that has not happened;
  3. Your child defends the other parent to an unusual degree;
  4. Aggressive rebellion from the child;

How to politely tell a parent their child is misbehaving? ›

Talking To Parents About Their Child's Misbehavior
  1. Address specific concerns and examples of misbehavior. ...
  2. Speak in a calm, friendly tone.
  3. Avoid giving parents the impression that their child is hopeless. ...
  4. Be willing to provide ongoing support to both the child and the parents.

When you have to walk away from your child? ›

It's important to offer children as much reassurance as you can. Younger children may fear that you may disappear too, so keep telling them that you love them and will always be there for them. Be prepared for anxieties when you drop younger children at school or nursery - again offer plenty of reassurance.

Can my parents force me to go home? ›

When you're under 16, your parents or carers have a responsibility to keep you safe. That means that you can't decide to move out and your parents can't ask you to leave. If you leave home without your parents' or carers' permission, the police have the right to take you home if it's safe to.

Can your mom force you to go somewhere? ›

They are your parents, not your owner. They can't force you to do anything you don't want to do.

What is the most hurtful thing to say to your child? ›

If you don't behave, I'll leave you here by yourself.” “If you don't get good grades, you won't be able to do anything with your life.” “If you keep doing that, I'll take away your favorite toy.” “If you don't eat all your food, you'll go to bed hungry.”

What is the most toxic thing a parent could say to a child? ›

Making unhealthy comparisons

One of the most toxic things to do is compare children. Telling your child that they're incompetent and have less potential than some other kid will not only damage their confidence, but will also make them feel unworthy.

What is psychologically damaging to a child? ›

Emotional abuse includes: humiliating or constantly criticising a child. threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names. making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child. blaming and scapegoating.

What does a toxic dad say? ›

He does not celebrate his child, but rather always finds a way to criticize, devaluing the child. For example, he might say: “That's good, but you could've done better.” The toxic parent will not hesitate to poke fun at his child in front of other people, with “no ill intention”, of course…

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